Notes To Self...Of DOOM!

1. Do not introduce yourself as role-playing character in public.

2. Do not talk to fictional characters in public.

3. Do not answer fictional characters in public.

4. Do not talk to inanimate objects in public.

5. Do not go out in public.

6. Disregard last number. Do number 1-4.

7. Note Expressions.

8. Don't die alone. Take many people with you.

9. Floor is slippery when wet.

10. Lake is slippery when dry.

11. Only talk to strangers you know.

12. Strangers you don't know are spies...kill them all.

13. For legal purposes be sure to delete last note.

14. Tell people about the spies that are trying to kill you.

15. Kill them for security purposes.

16. Crying doesn't solve anything. Try violent mood swings.

17. Make a scene whenever humanly possible.

18. The men in white coats are not your friends.

19. Ask them for a room full of sharp, pointy objects.

20. When that doesn't work, ask for a designer jacket.

21. Chicken soup, although good for colds, not the best cure for drowning.

22. Flammable and inflammable mean the same thing.

23. Unlike fine wine, milk does not get better with age.

24. Always remember, uh...uh...***.

25. Train armies of flying monkeys.

26. Goldfish don't like milk.

27. Do not maim people. If you already have, kill them to avoid lawsuits.

28. Find out who invented the word 'pianist'.

29. People are staring at you.

30. So act insane.

31. People are weird but not as weird as me.

32. Do not taunt animals at the zoo. They have feelings...and teeth.

33. Little people are aggressive. Stay away from little people.

34. Going through other people's stuff is a bonding experience. Do it as much as possible.

35. You'll sometimes notice shadows late at night. Don't worry, it's only me. Bonding.

36. Never pet a burning dog.

37. Never make eye contact with a naked man. Especially if you're wearing a parka.

38. Naked men dig parkas.

39. Beware the naked man who offers you his parka.

40. You know what would look good on you?

41. Immolated ***roaches.

42. Don't worry. It's only a harmless pimento bug.

43. The size of Danny DeVito.

44. Making an amusing facial expression. Like this.

45. Numbers are evil. Count in clovers.

46. Stalking is fun. Do it a lot.

47. Make a large sign saying, "Look at me, I'm a gumnut tree."

48. No matter what people say. There is a way into your fantasy world.

49. The way is rum.

50. Constipated people don't give a st.

51. The Ten Steps to Dying.

a. Fall down.

b. Be rushed to hospital.

c. Not be saved.

d. Be mourned over.

e. Be buried in dirt.

f. Have your grave looted.

g. Rot.

h. Rot.

i. Rot.

j. Have your bones reanimated and used for pain, destruction and terror.

52. You cannot kill the snow.

53. The snow can kill you.

54. Gr*** can kill you too.

55. The leprechaun on the cereal box said I couldn't get his lucky charms.

56. Catch and castrate leprechaun.

57. He is real...no matter what the men in white say.

58. Staple paper in the middle of the page.

59. In case of blank looks, laugh maniacally.

60. You are not haxxor l337 or an uberhacker or anything like that.

61. Pretend to be so around the n00bs.

62. Do not go out with voice #7. He is a sadistic, soul-sucking demon.

63. Disregard last note. Go out with demon. Who needs a soul anyway?

64. Go ask Senior Diablo for bigger pitchfork.

65. Remember to kill HIM.

66. Tell the small children in the TOYS 'R' US that the dolls have an insatiable thirst for blood.

67. Note reactions. Avoid parents.

68. The blood of infants gives unholy superpowers according to Jhonen C. Vasquez. Test theory.

69. Scream. Doctors don't like it; they give you a shot of something nice.

70. Hide the bodies. Otherwise people will ask embarr***ing questions.

71. Eat the evidence.

72. But not if it’s broken gl***.

73. If in the presence of someone much wiser then you, point in a random direction and shout, "LOOK, a distraction." Then run.

74. Do not tell children that Santa is fat because he eats little children.

75. Disregard last note.

76. Note reactions.

77. On average, 100 people choke to death by ball point pens every year.

78. Stock up on ball point pens.

79. Learn to fly. Tell no one.

80. The secret to flying is throwing yourself at the ground and missing.

81. Do not stick fingers in a blender.

82. Blender...Bad...Ouch.

83. Blood loss is bad.

84. Find way to reattach fingers.

85. Scream as much as humanly possible at 2AM.

86. Answer every question with a question.

87. Ask people what gender they are.

88. Note reactions.

89. Refer to people as mortal.

90. The Seagull From Hell is out to get me.

91. Kill all enemies in most disturbing way possible.

92. Star by drowning them in fire ants.

93. Find the creators of pop-up messages.

94. Kill them.

95. Brutally.

96. Teachers don't like finding notes on world domination.

97. Dunk head in boiling water.

98. Disregard last note. Was written by voice #7.

99. Gullible is written on the ceiling.

100. Investigate this whole 'critical m***' when the klaxon dies down