I can certify that I have gone through the exact same thing, but that made the worst of me. After going through a stressful time in my life, going trough depression I had panic attacks and the inability to sleep for three years. A couple of years ago I suddenly just changed for the worst. I became apathetic, seclusive and cynical. The only good thing I can say that comes out of this is that it is very hard to offend me. It's not good when your mother is distraught because of you and you feel nothing. In saying which, the reason above is why I immerse myself in trivial things like Attack on Titan because I have an undying desire to be someone I'm not. (And to also have emotions when I watch something). I'm saying this because I don't want you to turn out like me. I don't want anyone to end up like this. I don't long for or have any will and its truly horrible and I really miss tw feeling.
//I'm always the shining example of what not to do//


The relationship you hold with your mother sounds very similar to mine. My mother and I are completely opposite in almost every way. It's never good enough; there's always a reason to yell. You can't defend yourself because it'll make it worse. Unfortunately, the only thing I can say is just grit your teeth and accept blame, the other option is like throwing rocks at a glass house.

I am glad to hear that things are turning around but always remember to just stop and take a deep breath when things get too stressful. Venting is always the best solution. I am exhibit A as to why sometimes you just need to talk it out, whether that be with friends or internet friends. We are just strangers, but strangers that would do anything for you.

(So if I meet you, does that no longer mean I'm a stranger? Because that logic is very flawed as everyone starts off as strangers)

darkelfqueen wrote:

I think I actually noticed something...When a person is creative, he or she end up having way too much emotions and thoughts in our head...which leads to all of this...

With my mom, she really sometimes listens, but other times,I just bite my tongue and take the blame...Does that make me passive? maybe, but...I feel that there are times when it's better to go with the flow.

And now I release my inner-buddhist self.
I'm not sure what year you were born but buddhists and some scientists believe in Indigo and Crystal children.

Indigo children were mostly born in 1995 and Crystals were born in 2000, however, there were some Indigo children that were born in the 80's or early 90's (91 and 92 liners).

What's the purpose of these children?
It is believed that we are all here to achieve something superior, to be like the civilization that is said to have lived in Atlantis. These beings were extremely developed and inteligent, close to what we call god-figures.
In this, we can set people by their personality.
It's said that you always have past lifes and vows and promises you did on those will be timeless until broken and that you most likely meet with people from your previous lifes. You could have been a person or an animal but the aim is to always improve your flaws so you can be better on your next life.
It's said that you start as a plant and then as an animal to later pass to human. This in mind, we can say that people who are very agressive are still young in lifes as they are still animal-agressive. People that are more conscious of their flaws and their goals are further away from their animal form and have quite a number of lifes already.

And so what are these children exactly?
Indigo children are children that are strongly or even completely turned to arts. Those in 80's or early 90's are more turned to sound art (such as music) and some visual art (such as drawing and painting) whilst 95' liners are completely turned to visual arts.
Allied to this, Indigo children are much aware of their goals and usually very patriotic, possibly even having some like for politics for that matter.
And why? Because Indigo children were placed on earth to prepare Crystals' path, to prepare others for Crystals' arrival.
They will often point out others' flaws and have a strongmind but they are highly emotional and will tend to close up their own feelings until someone shows them it is alright to do otherwise.
Some characteristics of Indigo children are bright, light eyes and usually big almost like a curious newborn.

And Crystals?
Crystal kids are more outspoken. They will also be very turned to arts or humanity since they were placed on earth on the year it was supposed to be extinguished.
Much less closed up than Indigo children, Crystal kids are absolutely not afraid to speak their minds.

Sadly, some early indigo children were not very successful and most took their own lifes as they were not understood and overflown with humanities negativity; since there were only a few of them, they weren't enough to outstand humanity and that happened.

And what the hell am I trying to say with this?
You might be an Indigo child. Personally, I do believe I am and, considering what I've seen of you, you seem to be too.
What you need is to just accept this possibility and let someone show you it is oqei to let out your emotions, to punch a wall every now and then and accept that too.